Dealing with expectations

Life happens 3:

I think I am made for working outside in cafes. I get more inspiration somehow by going out to different places and changing the usual environment. I’ve been thinking lately about expectations. I really find it a dangerous word. And I definitely mean it. You would probably think I am exaggerating. No, I am not and I will explain you why. Let me tell you a little story of my life. I am just thinking, which one… Well, no I am not going to tell you any stories. Because it is so obvious. Expectations are obvious. We expect from our friends to call us and to spend time with us, we expect from our parents that if we say our job title is XYZ they immediately would get what is meant by that. And of course we expect that they support us financially if we are in need or would like to buy a new car. We expect our partner to be always empathetic and understanding when we feel bad, angry, disappointed, ugly, down. Or we expect our partner to read our mind and fulfill our needs on the spot. We expect our employer to pay us bonus every year. And our manager should promote us every now and then because we are so good and deserve it and we are constantly performing to the edge. We expect from the politicians that they do things in the sake of common wealth and follow our particular vision of it. We expect our distant relatives to remember our birthday and our hairdresser to cut our hair in exactly the way we imagine it in our mind. So what is so difficult about these things? It is not really the expectation itself, although still I find it questionable. It is somehow in our nature to expect things. It helps us to function or behave in a certain way or to structure our understanding of the world out there, sometimes expectations give us an impression life gets easier if we have ones. The dangerous thing about it is that we do not communicate our wishes and needs and expect those to be done. Or we request things. Because we think it is so obvious and we just can expect and request. We do not always reflect how we interact with others and what message we send. Behind every expectation there is a certain need or wish we normally do not communicate or express. And we often do not even realize it. When was the last time you expected someone to do or to say something? And was it before you expressed your wishes and needs or after? It is somehow ok, if we wish things to be done from others in a certain way once we have clearly communicated those. But is it ok to expect, only because we think it should be obvious for others? And is it still legitimate to expect things after we have articulated them? I am not sure. At least not in every situation and area of life. I think to live with expectations is convenient. But it is really challenging to live without or minimize those. Even if you communicate your wishes and needs it is not self-evident that others would fulfill those. Why? Well there are endless reasons. To name you a few: Our friends can be busy or experience some private challenges. Our parents are not always as up-to-date as we think they are and do not always have the capacity to understand the modern world and newest IT developments. And they want to live their life and spend their money say for nice travels they refused to make while raising their beloved children. Our partner could have a bad day, is not responsible to be our every day clown and s/he is just not able to read our mind because it is not possible (well, in most cases I can think of). The company we work in has not achieved overall revenue targets or just decided not to pay a bonus because it is not mandatory per se. Does it sound reasonable? I think it does. The only thing we can do is to learn to articulate our wishes and needs in a positive and constructive way and… and try not to expect or minimize our expectations.

It is definitely hard to transfer this par for par to the business world. So let us at least ease up our day-to-day personal life while minimizing expectations and articulating our needs, feelings and wishes in a constructive and positive way.

#freeyourmind #minimizeexpectations #letgo #enjoyyourlife #dogood #feelgood #opencommunication #emotions #needs #wishes

Think of the last time you could clearly express and identify your immediate emotions, needs and wishes?
It is not easy. It requires reflections and getting deep into oneself and analyzing one’s state and inner mood.

If you like to explore the world of emotions and needs or to learn the art of non-violent communication, contact me for a further discussion!

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